I shall, for this, assume that you are aware of my past mental instability. Of course, that is a nice way to put it, and much harsher words would be more accurate, but for our purposes here, let’s just assume that I was a bit left of normal. I always liked that phrase, plus it is an exceedingly polite way to say that previously I was so far off my rocker that the only way to communicate with said rocker was through a long distance phone call and an interpreter.
However, this isn’t to dwell on the past here. I do that plenty everywhere else. No, this is to make a note about improvement and progress.
First, a few explanations. Clinical off-ones-rockerness can be boiled down to a handful of words. Such as, when there is such a significant difference between one’s perception of events and the actual event, some psychic distress may occur. Now, that is a fancy way to say that those removed from their rocker do not interpret or process their environment correctly. It’s not really a matter of right or wrong, but it might as well be.
So, if we all remember our old German psychologists, we will recall the idea of defense mechanisms. These are actions or thoughts that an individual uses to prevent psychic trauma. You know, things like denial and sublimation and reaction formation and all the rest. We enact defense mechanisms to protect ourselves. Sometimes they work. Other times, well, they don’t.
Of course, I would not be so crass to say that every event of psychosis is the result of a failed defense mechanism. Mostly because that would be a fib. I would, however, hypothesize that some of those events indeed stem from an inappropriate defense mechanism, potentially put into motion by a previous defense mechanism. This can most certainly happen. I would know. Trust me.
Now, why am I talking about this nonsense when I should be talking about strange new itching and growing pains and how goddammed expensive clothes are now? Well, if we take into account the gibberish above here, an example could be made wherein an individual, unable to reconcile the difference between their perception of themselves and everyone else’s perception of them might actually not fare too well when faced with this difference of opinion.
In this case, our sample individual perhaps has spent a great deal of time feeling the ‘wrong’ way. That is to say, this individual had a vision of themselves and their actions and activities which was pretty consistently countered by the observations and opinions of others. So, what is this individual to do? Either continue believing that the immense distance between their perceptions and other’s perceptions of them is real and accurate, or choose the side of the observers and push themselves into a role they don’t believe in. The first solution of keeping that distance real is less than satisfactory, obviously. The second of forcing oneself into a foreign role is equally as displeasing. Either way, this individual builds a wall of defense mechanisms. Ultimately, they both lead to the same place anyway.
So, now we have an individual who is stuck between lying to themselves and lying to others being forced to choose between, knowing that either way isn’t going to feel right. What is one to do when either direction comes ‘round to the same unhappy place? To avoid further departure from one’s rocker, radical change becomes an obvious solution.
It is remarkably difficult to be an isolationist these days, and we are probably better for the absence of that as a reasonable or sustainable lifestyle choice. To that end, indeed to be is to be perceived. Despite objections to the contrary, the opinions of others are, as it turns out, pretty important. So, if it is the case that we wish to be seen in a particular light, we must be seen in that light by not only ourselves, but also those observers, casual or otherwise, who we might come in contact with during our days.
It makes for increased congruency when others agree with your own perception of yourself. It closes that distance and the rift between ideas. When one’s own efforts toward a goal are recognized by others, that psychic benefit is greater than self-recognition of one’s own progress.
So, to close this distance within our sample individual, this individual must improve not only themselves but also the way that others see them in a manner congruent with the internal identification of the individual. Of course, the benefit lies solely within the individual, as obviously in this case, others are not directly benefited by a correct interpretation.
With all that out of the way, I will say that when perceptions match, it makes for a better base for good psychic health. Obviously, the radical change above is pretty easily attributed to one idea here, so let’s use transition as an example.
When there is a boy, identified as a boy but who identifies as a girl, who is reminded by outside observers that, indeed, he is identified as male despite internal identification as the opposite, this will cause that distance described above. Of course, in this case as you have surmised most assuredly, the radical change is to change the outside observer’s observations by making the boy’s internal identification match their external appearance such that this individual is not misidentified further.
So, this person takes the steps toward ensuring that misidentification is not a concern. This benefits outside observers not at all, however now their observations will better match our sample individual’s perception of self, which does benefit the individual greatly. One might posit that the idea of self-perception being partly dependent on others is pretty bollocks. One is, of course, able to make that claim, but without another to hear it, it might as well be a fart in the wind. In other words, you can’t be seen as someone doesn’t care what others think without at least utilizing the idea of ‘others’ to one’s own ends.
Anyway, let’s bring this back to me, because I am my favorite subject. Since beginning the transition, I am far more stable and far happier. Not because the distance between perceptions has been changed at all, but because there is progress in that direction. In this crazy world, knowing that one is on the right track is invaluable. The distance doesn’t seem so vast anymore.
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