This hormone replacement therapy is the bee’s knees. The vivid dreams have mostly subsided though, which is too bad because they were pretty cool. The growing pains have also subsided, but I’m very aware that’s pretty cyclical. I imagine in a week or so I’ll be back to being in more constant pain from the inevitable expansion. Though I do complain at great lengths about the persistent dull ache occasionally interrupted by sharper, piercing pain, don’t listen to me. I really kind of like the pain. Not for sadomasochistic reasons at all, but really just because the pain means progress.
Speaking of ‘redistribution of mass in general accordance with conservation of mass*,’ things are moving along swimmingly. Even in like the last week, my lovely assistant and I have noticed pretty much everything I try on to be better fitting and better filled out. On one hand, it’s awesome. On the other, my clothing choices when I am out and about are becoming more and more limited, primarily because compression is becoming less effective and increasingly uncomfortable.
Anyway, given current growth predictions, it looks like going full time or at least part time will be coming sooner than I had originally planned. There is no date set in stone, but just whenever it seems right and comfortable. At that point, we’ll see what happens.
Lets talk about this idea of right and comfortable for a bit. It seems like the sort of goal folks are after, right? It’s no doubt important to everyone, but especially to those who have felt acute discomfort for any length of time. Now, keep in mind, this like so much else I’m talking about in this crazy thing, is not binary. No matter how not right and uncomfortable someone might feel, it could probably always get worse. The contrary is also true, but where not many folks are inclined to make their situation less comfortable, I would argue that most to many would lean toward improving their situation with regard to being right and comfortable. I mean, except for those folks who really dig being uncomfortable, but for those individuals being uncomfortable is essentially equal to comfort of course, so just flip the scale and lets not talk about insufferable masochists any further. Get past the middle point into the positive side (as determined by subjective interpretation of both internal and external environments) and I would imagine that folks would seek to improve along these lines. The perfect is the enemy of the good, but since this is asymptotic, good is going to have to be good enough. Now, go eat your peas.
Anyway, there’s no perfect, objective spot to stop trying to improve one’s condition. It’s all subjective, obviously. For example, I am significantly more right and comfortable these days. I am obviously looking to improve upon my already improved person. Though it would be theoretically easier to slide back down the scale, there is minimal benefit to that. So, when does this improvement end?
I’ve heard a few folks ask, in essence, ‘how far are you going to go?’ Usually it begins with a question about the fate of my wang-doodle. Lots of folks are curious about my wang-doodle these days. Didn’t hardly come up in conversation once in all these many years, but now people seem acutely interested. I’ve always been one to toot my own horn for pretty much any reason, but now it seems like people aren’t interested in the strange adventures it’s had, but more whether or not I’m going to have it removed, stuffed, and mounted on my future mantle.
I’m not going to rant about the current state of phallotaxidermy for obvious reasons. However, I will tell you I cannot accurately give you an end point. It doesn’t really stop anyway. It’s not like I stop the HRT after a certain point just because I don’t feel as dysphoric as previous. Besides, it’s not like antibiotics that one stops taking after a while, it’s a much longer endeavor than that. Besides, not feeling the dysphoria is really what this transition is about. It’s primarily about just keeping the incongruent, discordant thoughts away so I can feel right and comfortable. As for a solid end point, I really have no idea. I’m just kind of along for the ride.
*Technically, conservation of mass is only applicable with isolated or closed systems. Given that my person is certainly not a closed system, as evidenced by the continual inclusion of material energies, matter conservation is not really a valid method of description here. We could talk first law of thermodynamics in a kind of round about way here, but you’ve probably got all the equations written down there anyway and don’t need me telling you how thermodynamics apply here. Anyway, that’s why I said ‘general accordance’ and not ‘strict accordance,’ simply because the latter is false in this case. Obviously, right?
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